On the Occassion of our Twenty-fifth Wedding Anniversary

Tuesday September 24, 2019 will be the twenty-fifth anniversary of the day we married.  It is an auspicious day, both joyful and deeply sad.  It marks the day, that day, twenty-five years ago, that we united in marriage.  A marriage that brought us both incredible love and joy and commitment and humor and devotion.  A marriage that at times humbled us to our knees with human frailties and lifted our hearts to incredible joy.  A marriage that was a spiritual journey for each of us as individuals and both of us as a couple.  A marriage that taught us what it means to be really committed to another human being, how to love deeply and accept each others' shortcomings even when those shortcomings drove us to distraction and frustration.  It was a marriage that ended far too soon, after only twenty years on the physical plane.

I always wanted to be married.  I was engaged when I was 19 to my first love.  My parents divorced the next year and things did not go well for the next decade or so on the relationship front.  Tom had been married and divorced.  I met him about a year after his divorce and he was still deeply hurt.  He said he never wanted to marry again.  I had to chase him until he caught me.  We were together for six years before he was ready to try again.  The one thing I know is that he never regretted taking the plunge again and that he believed it was the best thing he ever did.

I am so saddened about this milestone.  And angry that we didn't get to twenty-five.  I feel cheated.  It isn't fair.  I think that goes without saying.

I wanted to mark this occasion.  To honor the day, the beauty of it and the sorrow it now holds.  I still have my wedding dress.  I LOVE my wedding dress.  I had a photo shoot done with it,  The photo captures exactly what I wanted to show.  The beauty and the sadness, the loneliness, importance.

The day we married it was raining.  In fact, it was raining for the entire week prior to our wedding.  And we had planned an outdoor wedding.  Fortunately we had a plan B, moving the ceremony and the reception inside.   The Redfield Center at the Grove, designed by George Elmslie, a follower of Louis Sullivan, was a architectural gem for our intimate wedding.

I think I remember every moment of that day, and what I have forgotten can be recalled by our wedding video or any of the many photographs taken.  My father, who had waffled at coming to our wedding, did not attend the rehearsal the day before.  My sister-in-law urged me not to worry about the situation.  I told her I was getting married no matter what.  My parents both came to the wedding and were cordial to each other, it was the first time they had seen each other since they divorced eighteen years before.  I remember seeing Tom's face as I walked down the aisle.  I felt so loved, by my family, our friends and most of all, the man that I was marrying.  It was a beautiful wedding.  And as we left that evening, the rain had ended, the moon had come out and there was a low ground fog over the meadow in front of the house.  They say rain on your wedding day is a sign of good luck. One source says it signifies the cleansing of tough times or sadness in your past. True for me  Another source indicates it is because it symbolizes the last tears that the bride will shed for the rest of her life.  I don't know about that.  I've cried gallons of tears before Tom's death and particularly after.  We had a happy marriage, built daily by the minutia of life.

The 24th is a special day--a day I will always remember.