My plans for a NYE celebration fell through when my loving family overshared their germs and I came down with the plague. So I spent NYE home with Zora and Bubba and decided to finish the vision board that I started on a year and a half ago when I realized I needed to consider creating a life after Tom. The process of creating the vision board was cathartic, in that it helped me to define the things that are important to me and what I want to include in my life. When I had started contemplating my new life there were three pillars that were of primary importance:
- To live a spirit-led and spirit-filled life
- To be lean, fit and healthy.
- To have love in my life.
These three pillars still hold true, but there is a lot of things that fill out those pillars.
A few months ago I had the feeling of a tectonic shift in the offing. This morning I awoke, after a long winter's nap, to sunshine, blue skies, a smile on my face and excitement in my heart--excitement that the next year would be much different and much more freeing than the last.
As I was looking through my Facebook memories this morning, viewing the happy memories of New Year's Days past, I realized how much I have been holding onto those memories, living in them, so to speak, not necessarily in a bad way, because I think that is very much a part of the grieving process. I have spent the last 23 months held down by the heaviness of mourning. I am ready to crawl out from under that weight. I want to make new, great memories in 2017, not just exist and/or survive my way through it. It is time to move forward.
My theme for 2017 is Release--Restore--Rediscover--Rebuild.
Release the past and the pain. Hold on to the happiness, the lessons, the love and release the burden of grief.
Restore what has been lost, damaged or buried. My health, my vitality, my love of life.
Rediscover that which brings me joy. Photography, art, entertaining, and explore things that I've always wanted to, such as getting my motorcycle license.
Rebuild the things that have taken a back seat during the last three years. My career, my bank account, my connection with Zora and Bubba, my energy and create a home that is mine and not ours.
"That's bold talk for a one-eyed fat man", you might say (True Grit, 1969). Just because I've put it out there doesn't mean that I won't have days when I will back be in that head space, that I won't talk about Tom and my loss. After all I loved him for almost half of my life. Milestones, such as his birthday, his angelversary, our anniversary, etc., will still be significant and will be noted. But a year from now I want to be sharing new happy memories. Its exciting, and scary.
It is time, and I am ready, to move forward