November 29th

The leaves
still clinging to the trees
a brilliant gold
like soldiers down the
curved median

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 28th

The end of November
and leaves are still
brilliant
glowing red
in the sun

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Just ordered Q3

Three quarters of the way finished with this year. I’m about two months late getting this one complete. I have a small laptop and it can be challenging to see the layouts sometimes. Time to start on the one for the last quarter, as well as the year long Project 365 shot of the day. Click on for a preview. http://www.blurb.com/books/

See more progress on: Create a photo book of my "photo of the day" collection.

Just ordered Q3

Three quarters of the way finished with this year. I’m about two months late getting this one complete. I have a small laptop and it can be challenging to see the layouts sometimes. Time to start on the one for the last quarter, as well as the year long Project 365 shot of the day.

See more progress on: Create a photo book of my "photo of the day" collection.

November 27th

Hawaiian fish
an interesting pattern
looks like a kanji symbol
just uploaded
from my camera
surprise!

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Gratitude

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. The day for gratitude. It is so easy to forget about all that we have as we get lost in the work-a-day world. Yesterday was a lovely day. We have an annual tradition in my family. When we sit down at the table, before the feast begins, we have a toast. We go around the table and each person shares what they are thankful for. I always cry. It is also a family tradition. Yesterday, due to some miscommunication, we didn't get to share before we ate, but afterwards, so there was no incentive to keep it short. It was wonderful. My 12 year old nephew started. He went around the table and shared his gratitude about EACH person. He was so kind and sweet and articulate and funny. What a way to start. Each of my nephews did the same. For some reason, Ryan's start got us all in touch with our feelings.

This year has had its ups and downs. There have been job losses, health issues, too much work, not enough fun, fear of the future, changes, moments of triumph and loss. But each year, as my husband said, we know what we are doing for Thanksgiving. We are going to my brother's, eat a fantastic meal that is prepared by my sister-in-law, hang out with the family, have fun, and share that for which we are grateful. Yesterday I felt closer to my family than I ever have. More a part of the whole. And that is what I have always wanted. Something to truly be grateful for.

Another one this morning

It has only been 8 days since the last one. That is not good. It was pretty mild, less than 4 minutes and he came out of the post-ictal state pretty quickly. I just don’t know what triggered it. Perhaps tick bites-but he gets so many of them since we do not give him any flea/tick stuff (it impacts his seizures). There is a storm brewing but it is not a severe one so I wouldn’t think it would cause it (severe ones have set him off in the past) I will call the vet as soon as they open and take him in for a blood test to see where his phenobarb levels are. He has been pretty stable for the last 4 months. I’m thinking that he is starting to metabolize the phenobarb more quickly than he used to. He has been on it for 5 years. I will be increasing his dose tonight. But it may be time to either add a medication or change medication. If at all possible I’d like to increase his meds for the next two-three weeks and then change them over the holidays when I will be home to be with him. I also need to get more valium for him. His script is empty. We use it right after a seizure to calm down the brain activity. Right now he is laying at my feet, with his head down, although every time I move it pops up like a kona-in-a-box.

See more progress on: Do a better job of managing Kona's seizures

November 26th

Table
set out for a feast
Thanksgiving day
family all together
let the eating begin.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 25th

Transamerican building
in the morning
growing out of a tree
piercing the sky

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 24th

Take-off
over the ocean
into the sunset
from LAX
bye-bye LA

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 23rd

Falls bright colors
first year in many
that I am embracing fall
and not dreading it

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Week-end of November 25-29

I have a four day week-end and am hoping to get rest as well as do some of the christmas things that need to get done

bake pies
t-day dinner at my brothers
yoga
mani/pedi
hair appointment
massage
pay end of month bills
finish my photo book for Q3
start on making videos
start on making calender
make Christmas shopping list
redo mom’s durable power of attorney for healthcare
work on wills
review HR paperwork
read
nap
get gas in car
grocery store
make another good fall meal this weekend
work on CV

See more progress on: do first things first

November 25th, Thanksgiving Day

One of our thanksgiving traditions is to go around the table before dinner and each person, from my 90 yo mom to my 7 yo nephew, shares what they are grateful for. My personal tradition is to start to cry, every year, without fail. Somehow I don’t think this year will be any different. Today I am grateful for

my precious husband
having a job
my sweet Kona
my noisy, but ever entertaining, Phoenix,
my bff and others who have touched my life
21 years, 7 months, and 7 days

See more progress on: Do a gratitude list on a daily basis

November 22nd

Kona
hanging out
snuggling
with his bear
ahhh-Sunday afternoons.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

While this has always been a non-written goal

Its time to put it on virtual paper. My mom’s cognitive ability has declined rather dramatically in the last six months. I met with my brother and sil this morning to talk about what we need to do. This is so sad. There will be no happy ending here, it will only get worse. So here’s the plan:

1. Meet with mom’s doctor to discuss her memory lapses.Done
2. Take mom for blood tests Done
3. Take mom for memory test appointment on Dec 14th. Mom didn’t want to go to the first appointment we had
4. Talk to mom’s doctor after the memory assessment to determine how significant her cognitive deficits are. hopefully very soon after her test results are in
5. Determine what medical steps can or should be taken

6. Contact local senior center about area resources
7. Update Mom’s durable power of attorney for healthcare
8. Research care facilities in the area.
9. Figure out how to get my mom to stop driving without breaking her spirit.

See more progress on: take good care of my Mom

November 21st

Amazing
November 21st
and the leaves
are brilliant
against a blue sky

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

An 8 week interval

Kona made it to 8 weeks since his last seizure when he had one early in the morning on Thursday. That’s the longest he has gone since earlier this year when his episodes became more frequent. I was in LA so poor mrrad had to deal with it all on his own. It was about a 4-5 minutes event. He had a hard time coming out of it, and perhaps had a bit of temporary blindess since he would walk into a wall and try to keep going. He’s recovered pretty well, but I wonder if his brain got a little scrambled. He’s not quite as good at listening to commands now. It could be temporary or intentional. This poor doggie—he sure doesn’t deserve this.

See more progress on: Do a better job of managing Kona's seizures

Week-end of November 20th

T’was a rainy day today, I went to a rededication ceremony of our City Council Chambers. I am home this weekend and have things to catch up on. Next week is a long weekend.

Laundry
Pay last few bills this month
Mani/pedi
Coffee with J and A to discuss mom
Make vitamin packs
Work on photo book
Work on xmas card
work on CV
Yoga
Grocery store
Cook a really good fall meal
Read

See more progress on: do first things first

November 20th

The rededication of our town’s
City Council Chambers in the historic
red church
pouring rain,
thru the window
watching the people, under umbrellas
look at the inscribed paving bricks.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 19th

How strange
it looks like
a tree is
growing out of the
ocean.
I have no clue
how this happened.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Remember Me? by Sophie Kinsella

Nice light reading. Very predictable.

See more progress on: Keep track of all the books I read in 2009

17th Movie of the Year--My Sister's Keeper

I read the book quite a while ago.

See more progress on: List the movies that I see in 2009

November 18th

Berries
hanging on a
tree
in winter
seed pods?
what tree?

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 17th

Helo
hovering
at Camp Pendleton

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November 16th

Fall colors
brown, gold, red
but this is
different
green and purple

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 15th

Fall leaves
Golden and
Red
shimmering
in the sun

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Silence

Silence.

It is a rare and precious commodity.

We live in a world that is over-stimulated, over-caffinated and over the top. We have lost silence. It seems others believe that their need for noise--loud noise--is more important than an individual need for silence. Drive down the street and sit at a stop light with your car vibrating from the bass line of the monster speaker coming from the car next to you. If you are like me, trying to clear your head for the day ahead or from the day behind, good luck.

I think many are afraid of the silence. Because it means aloneness, or loneliness. Because it means you can hear yourself think. And that can be a scary proposition. The need for distraction is great. Multi-tasking. Reading with TV on (yes, I am guilty of that). The cell phone ringing. The dog barking. The bird screaming. OK--that's at my house.

Sound can be soothing, comforting, affirming. I can't go to sleep without Coast to Coast AM on the radio at night. I wonder why? Perhaps it is a buffer noise from the sound of the cars climbing the hill, or the banging of car doors as people come home late into the night. I live in an incredibly quiet place compared to my life in the big city, so the least amount of noise is amplified against the quiet of the valley. I've awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of deer fighting on the hill above our bedroom. The sound of antler on antler. I've also awaken to the sound of deer hooves on the driveway, as the deer snack on the yellow rose bush that is their idea of fine dining.

But silence, it is truly golden. I've spent this week-end at a silent retreat hosted at the Jesuit Retreat House outside of Barrington, IL. It is my 10th, 11th, or 12th time here, I'm not exactly sure, in the last 21 years. Yes I can go to a retreat closer to home. But not a silent retreat, on the subject matter that is important to me. Why would I fly 2000 miles and spend upwards of $700 all-in to come to this retreat? Silence. Because silence is so precious.

The retreat house is on spacious grounds just outside of Barrington, a suburb known for affluence and great big house lots. When you are on the grounds you cannot hear the traffic on Lake-Cook Road. You cannot hear any outside noise except the occasional train the must be south of the property. During the retreat, when you are not to talk to anyone and no one is supposed to talk to you, the peace and serenity are almost deafening. Yesterday, which was a beautiful fall day, I took a walk with my camera to photograph what must be spectacular grounds during the summer months. It was so quiet I could only hear the birds sing. No freeway traffic, no cars climbing the hills, no talking. The leaves have all fallen off of the trees so only the exquisite structure of the tree is visible. Dead leave crunch under your feet when you walk across the lawn. There is a small garden on the far side of the property that has trees which are now in their glory. It is the only fall color out there, except for green grass and a few purple morning glories that cling close to the chapel. In this garden is a statue of Mother Teresa. It is magical, with the color of the leaves around here. And it was such a nice change. Every Catholic property has dozens of statues of the Mother Mary, Jesus, and Joseph. This is the first one I've seen that wasn't of the holy family. As I sat there, photographing the statue and the leaves, I enjoyed a moment of contemplation and peace. I didn't have to worry about someone invading my space, distracting me from my thoughts. It was one of those rare moments when I could be in nature and just be.

The inside of the house, which was built in the early 20th century and renovated and added onto over the years, the only sound is that of people moving about. Going to retreat talks, sitting in the living room or library reading or staring out the window. On Saturday evening there is a fire in the fireplace and many gather around to stare into the flames. Being fortunate enough to have my own fireplace, I did not join them this year. I spent time in my room, alone with my thoughts.

So what is the purpose of silence? When I am silent I can hear myself think. And if I am really lucky and paying attention, I can hear God speak to me. I can find the direction I seek in my life. I can slow down and just be. No need to cook, the meals are prepared. No need to look at a clock because a bell rings to let you know when it is time for an activity. And I am relieved of the social pressure to communicate with others. Its OK to be introspective. It is expected. It is my gift to others and their gift to me.

The silence ends in 15 minutes. I do not want it to. I did not get everything I was hoping for this week-end. In the past I would come to this retreat with an agenda for a spiritual awakening. And I would work hard at it. I would look to read anything that might have "the answer", meditate hard to find "the answer". This year I am too darned tired to work that hard. I just showed up and listened. And I heard little snippets of what I needed. I just haven't processed it all.

I heard that I can't change situation of injustice in my firm. I need to learn to live with it, I cannot change it and do not have the energy to take it on. It means I need to find God's will in what I am to be doing and get the heck out of the way. I don't know how to do that yet. I hate injustice. It makes me angry and I don't know what to do with anger because I feel so helpless.

I also let down my professional facade and cried about my mother and her failing mental status. I am afraid. I want to do the right thing. I don't know what that is. I think I am ready for her to leave this earth when she is ready. Or at least I am ready to deal with it--I think. She is 90 years old. She has never wanted to be a burden. She has never wanted to be dependant. She is losing her cognitive ability. I realized that I am like both her and my brother in the way I have been dealing with it--denial and optimism. There is no happy ending here. It isn't going to get better.

And there is more, much more, that will become apparent later. As the retreat master said, when it come to God's will, you never know it looking forward, only backwards. And I know when I am in alignment with God's will, things happen easily. There is no struggle. I need to keep remembering that.

So silence. It is a balm that allows me to open up. It is the key to unlock my thoughts. It is powerful. So very, very powerful. And I think I have gotten what I was supposed to get this weekend. I just want more of it, faster, better, clearer, in a dramatic and very big way. Oops--I received the message in a tiny little voice that I could only get if I shut the heck up and listened.

It is worth the trip. It has helped to restore my soul. Quietly.

November 14th

Golden leaves
surround a statue
of Mother Teresa
in the beautiful grounds
of the retreat house.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 13th

A Silent Retreat
At the Jesuit retreat house
near Chicago
Welcome
A week-end of quiet contemplation
Awaits you.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 12th

Late season
“Dandy-lion”
waiting for the wind
to spread its seed
for next year

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 11th

The layout
for a firefighter
competetion
harnesses and ropes
love the pattern on the floor of the
courtyard

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 10th

The IAFF
was having a conference
at the Century Plaza
Fire Trucks
and Fire Fighters
everywhere

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 9th

Kona loves his
nanny
Must be right next to her
even when mom and dad come home
“Do you have something to feed me?”

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 8th

Vacations
come to an end
the plane back home
two hours late
back to the real world.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Weekend of November 13th

I’m in Chicago at a silent retreat this weekend. I used to attend this “religiously” (pun intended)when I lived here. I think this is the third time I’ve been back. In the past I always came with an agenda of what I want to get out of this, usually some big spiritual awakening. Many times I had little spiritual awakenings. While that is what I would love to have, this year I’m not going to “work” so hard for it. I’m going to enjoy the quiet, listen to the retreat talks and quietly process things.

Take my camera on a walk around the grounds and photograph
Nap
Maybe post this weeks photos
Rest
Listen
Relax
Listen some more
Meditate if I’m so inclined

See more progress on: do first things first

Going on a silent retreat next weekend

I used to go to this retreat every year when I lived in chicago. I think I went 7 years straight. And since I’ve moved to California I’ve been back twice I think. But I’m flying out on Friday to go again this year. My bff and others I know will also be there.

I love this retreat. Silence is really golden. It is usually very restorative for me to go on these retreats. There is no talking from after dinner on Friday night until noon on Sunday. We all eat in the dining hall and there is no talking during meals. It amazing how much energy you can use trying to communicate with others. I always find this weekend to be one of taking stock of the year and focusing on what is important.

See more progress on: strengthen my spiritual connection

November 7th

My favorite beach
at my favorite hotel
on my favorite island
early morning
no one on the beach yet.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 6th

Bird
on a rock
at sunset
nice way
to end the day

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 5th

Not yet ready
to be home from
Hawaii
A leaf
floating in the water
at the beach

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

FTF Weekend of November 6th

How did it get to be November already? Time to jump back into this habit so my week-ends do not seem to float away with nothing to show for them. Vacation has been wonderful, but now the real world.

make travel arrangements for Monday
call Mom and check in on her
reschedule Mom’s appointment for cognitive testing
do vacation laundry
unpack and put things away
repack for next week
pay bills
meet with L
hair appointment
massage
yoga
develop new eating plan
shop for eating plan
clean Phoenix cage
water inside plants
mani/pedi?
order b-day gift for J
send b-day card to M

See more progress on: do first things first

November 6th Today I am grateful for

a wonderful vacation that was relaxing and restorative
that Kona has remained seizure free for 49 days (but who’s counting)
a precious bff that came to stay with Kona while we were gone
time to spend with mrrad
rest and sleep.

See more progress on: Do a gratitude list on a daily basis

Doing well

It has been six weeks since Kona’s last seizure and he seems to be doing well. We were gone on vacation and we had his “nanny” come stay with him at his house so his routine was not disrupted. I’m hoping that he’ll go for quite a while longer without another one. But this is the longest he has gone since they started happening more frequently.

See more progress on: Do a better job of managing Kona's seizures

At the Queen's Summons by Susan Wiggs

The last of the trilogy, another romance. Great reading for a vacation. Now back to some other things on my list.

See more progress on: Keep track of all the books I read in 2009

The Maiden's Hand by Susan Wiggs

Second in the trilogy. Romance novel set in the reign of the Tudors. Again, not my usual fare, but one of the few things I could find to read on the island.

See more progress on: Keep track of all the books I read in 2009

The Time Traveler's Wife

Difficult to follow if you’ve not read the book, which provides so much more depth.

See more progress on: List the movies that I see in 2009

November 4th

Baby honu
(Hawaiian green turtles)
raised in the lobby
of the Mauna Lani
set free in the ocean
every year
little guy, just raising his head

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 3rd

Surfboards
lined up on the beach
so Hawaii
bright colors
adventure

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

November 2nd

Footprints
in the sand
on a Hawaii beach
fleeting
but forever in
memory

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.

Vacation

Vacation--whatever does that word mean? To vacate from our normal lives? For the last several years, a vacation has been my road back to sanity. Seems that I work too hard, too much and take too few breaks. By the time I get to where I'm going, I'm so exhausted that I spend the first half just trying to feel human again. The second half of the vacation is the time to relax and recharge. This year, I have done my best to totally disengage. I've not read work emails (now stacked up at over 200+ with several days left to go). I missed two groundbreaking ceremonies, one of the few times when we are optimistic about the construction process and are not yet at odds with the contractor who tries to blame the architect for every misstep. But I needed the break more than I needed the congratulatory handshakes and smiles from what should be united team members and most likely will, within the next 18 months, turn on each other. See--I'm living in my element--a cross between optimism and denial.

November 1st

Moved to our favorite hotel today
Its been closed for two months
New attractions
Torchlighter
Looks like he’s dancing with fire.

See more progress on: Take a photo a day for 365 days, to document.